I have been on a soul searching path from the age of 11.
I have never been my true self ,not even close to it,until now …..That sound like a dialogue at the very beginning of a film.If your reading this Martin Scorsese ,get in touch ,I have an interesting story to tell.But that’s another story ,if you know what i mean.
After a life time of soul searching I am now starting to feel like my true self.At 45 years old you might think that’s quite disheartening ,a life time wasted .I did (a little).However everything I’ve ever done and experienced good ,bad or indifferent ,I wouldn’t be where I am today .Finally beginning to feel comfortable in my own skin .No aiers and graces not laughing at other peoples humour just because I think I should ,or everyone else is.No people pleasing and of course giving my poor caged soul a release into the world so,giving him a voice.A thought ! Maybe this is the root of all my inner turmoil! I have found when you be yourself ,say what you mean ,be what you want to be without any conscious filters ,it gives you a beautiful feeling of freedom and lightness.I feel more relaxed than I have ever been( only think I’m beginning to really relax full stop!
However it does have a price .You will feel vulnerable ,being honest to yourself and others takes massive courage ! You will get criticism ,you will get judged ,but we do anyway when we’re trying to please everyone scared to speak our mind or be who we are.So what’s the best path ? You’re Choice ,but don’t be like me ,your individual with gifts,talents ,interests,passions all of your own use them now!!!!!!
Think about it though,how many people do you know truly living how they want to live?How many are following the crowd ,controlled by peer pressure,trying to live the fictional lives of a reality t.v celebrity!
Here is an example from my own life:I started a job at 16 years old.I was looking for money as I thought money was the answer to everything because this had been ingrained on my brains hard drive as a child( or if ur technical created a neural pathway ,ha ha learned that yesterday).It it was apprenticeship ,I didn’t really care what the job was ,again because I had been told ‘get an apprenticeship job for life ‘.I had a dream of being a D.J on the local radio at the time.I wanted to learn the trade.I was soon sternly and severely put in my place for that one! But there was something always inside me saying ‘you can do what you want ,you don’t have to be controlled,you can be free to follow your dreams whatever the outcome.
So I began this job and hated it from day one ,with a passion ! I told my parentsI want to leave.Now this was a job that made me physically and mentaly I’ll .I was clinically depressed ,I had severe migraines( which as coincidence would have it as soon as I left they stopped) I had numerous other physical illnesses along the way.So I told them I want to leave .Whoooooooo! You would have thought I told them ‘I’ve joined a local gang ,started taking drugs and I’m having an affair with my auntie!So under their control( I believed that at the time)off I went for the next six years in pure misery an ill health.Until ,a breakthrough ! I read a self help book called the elephant and the twig and it opened up a new dimension for me.I thought hard and made the decision to leave.And I never looked back since .Even though I was skint I was so much happier and at ease.My friends ridiculed me a close relative called me a f***ing stupid pr**k.Thanks for that inspiration! The factory closesd five years later ,so much for a job for life ey.
So expect criticism ,negativity it might feel tiny or it might feel like the Incredible Hulk is sitting on your shoulders bouncing up and down to rave music (not Lou ferringo,the massive angry one off the films).You will also attract praise and positivity ,but be careful with these two ,treat them as the same ,other people’s opinions ( that’s all they are at the end of the day) otherwise you’ll be up and down like a yo yo.
Try it ,take a small step today ,what have ou got to lose? TIME!!!!!.So act now,the clock is ticking!